When fantasy meet reality
posted onMonday, July 2, 2012 by Huimin
This post is going to be full of contradiction but I can't help it, I have a lot of mixed emotion over what happened.
SHOOOOOO!!! SAKURAI SHO!!!! I FINALLY SEE HIM IN RL!!! I CAN'T EVEN!!! .....that's what I thought I will ONLY be thinking of when/after I saw Sho. I never knew that seeing him will cause so many mixed feelings.
No doubt that was what went through my mind in the first few second when I manage to spot Sho (thanks to his cap) amongst the other actors/actress. I unconsciously screamed "SHOOOO" but after a mere second, I realize what I was doing and in a desperate attempt to make Sho notice the "あげぽよ" board, I change it to "AGEPOYO", even ran from one end to the other. But Sho didn't look up at all, not even once. He face down(grammar error intended, lol) throughout his walk.
Even after the whole cast went into the boarding area(?) and during/after my endless spazzing over it with other fangirls, tearing up over the fact that we finally saw him after the long hours(and many years of being fans) of wait, Sho's walking figure never left my head.
He was clearly not happy. And it made me felt guilty for unknown reason. Was it because of the screaming? Because I did contribute to the screaming. But how do I control the overwhelming emotion that I had at that point of time? ....Then, a selfish thought came up, "shouldn't he be used to it after so long of being an idol?" I don't even know how I arrived at this thought but damn, I want to slap myself of thinking so.
I was extremely happy, excited and overwhelmed that I was so so so close to Sho. That I even had the chance to see Sho so up close in real life. I kept asking myself "Is this real?! Did I really see Sakurai Sho in real life? This is not a dream right!?" But the main reason why the scene keep replaying in my mind is, "Is that really the Sho that I know?". The image of Sho during concert suddenly appeared in my mind, and that totally killed my heart.
After spending hours talking about finally seeing Sho over and over and over again with Li Hui, Pei Shi and Rina, I finally thought "So this is it huh? After 4 years of being a fan and wanting to see them, I finally did(well, 1/5 of them). This wish was fulfilled in those few seconds....but this isn't how I hoped it will to be!"
And the thoughts of On/Off screen Sho keep coming to my mind.
Then I realized, I had been too disillusion. All because I wanted my fantasy to be fulfilled.
"On/Off screen Sho" does not exist. The Sho that I saw and the Sho that I see on video are "both the same". It was stupid of me to think about how Sho should be, who do I think I am? His cold treatment to us on Friday was most probability due to his characteristic. That was Sho, just a different side of him. The part which he did not need to show on TV because he have no need to.
The only thing I hope now is for Sho to enjoy(had enjoyed) his stay at Singapore.
After reading J's post on Sparkles, I fully "recover" from the shock that I had (although it was still painful looking at the poster of a smiling Sho beside my bed)
"For Sho, it is probably more of his personality than Johnny's regulations....The Sho on TV is not just an act he put up. Both are Sho."
"...an idol is an occupation that sells dreams"
but until this "dream" die off one day (If it ever will), I will never stop supporting Arashi and Sho.
Don't think too much about it. Let this remain as a fantasy.
Arashi have always, for the past 4 years, been an "exit/pause portal" for me from reality. They provide me an outlet for happiness and cheer me up on bad days.
It is also because of them that I get to know Awave, and I couldn't be more grateful. Although it is only less than a year since I know the girls (excluding Sam XD), they have make such a big impact to my life.
....okay, this is becoming too mushy and lengthy. I should stop here.
Now, I need to go back to reality and pay the price for skipping school to 追偶像...
SHOOOOOO!!! SAKURAI SHO!!!! I FINALLY SEE HIM IN RL!!! I CAN'T EVEN!!! .....that's what I thought I will ONLY be thinking of when/after I saw Sho. I never knew that seeing him will cause so many mixed feelings.
No doubt that was what went through my mind in the first few second when I manage to spot Sho (thanks to his cap) amongst the other actors/actress. I unconsciously screamed "SHOOOO" but after a mere second, I realize what I was doing and in a desperate attempt to make Sho notice the "あげぽよ" board, I change it to "AGEPOYO", even ran from one end to the other. But Sho didn't look up at all, not even once. He face down(grammar error intended, lol) throughout his walk.
Even after the whole cast went into the boarding area(?) and during/after my endless spazzing over it with other fangirls, tearing up over the fact that we finally saw him after the long hours(and many years of being fans) of wait, Sho's walking figure never left my head.
He was clearly not happy. And it made me felt guilty for unknown reason. Was it because of the screaming? Because I did contribute to the screaming. But how do I control the overwhelming emotion that I had at that point of time? ....Then, a selfish thought came up, "shouldn't he be used to it after so long of being an idol?" I don't even know how I arrived at this thought but damn, I want to slap myself of thinking so.
I was extremely happy, excited and overwhelmed that I was so so so close to Sho. That I even had the chance to see Sho so up close in real life. I kept asking myself "Is this real?! Did I really see Sakurai Sho in real life? This is not a dream right!?" But the main reason why the scene keep replaying in my mind is, "Is that really the Sho that I know?". The image of Sho during concert suddenly appeared in my mind, and that totally killed my heart.
After spending hours talking about finally seeing Sho over and over and over again with Li Hui, Pei Shi and Rina, I finally thought "So this is it huh? After 4 years of being a fan and wanting to see them, I finally did(well, 1/5 of them). This wish was fulfilled in those few seconds....but this isn't how I hoped it will to be!"
And the thoughts of On/Off screen Sho keep coming to my mind.
Then I realized, I had been too disillusion. All because I wanted my fantasy to be fulfilled.
"On/Off screen Sho" does not exist. The Sho that I saw and the Sho that I see on video are "both the same". It was stupid of me to think about how Sho should be, who do I think I am? His cold treatment to us on Friday was most probability due to his characteristic. That was Sho, just a different side of him. The part which he did not need to show on TV because he have no need to.
The only thing I hope now is for Sho to enjoy(had enjoyed) his stay at Singapore.
After reading J's post on Sparkles, I fully "recover" from the shock that I had (although it was still painful looking at the poster of a smiling Sho beside my bed)
"For Sho, it is probably more of his personality than Johnny's regulations....The Sho on TV is not just an act he put up. Both are Sho."
"...an idol is an occupation that sells dreams"
but until this "dream" die off one day (If it ever will), I will never stop supporting Arashi and Sho.
Don't think too much about it. Let this remain as a fantasy.
Arashi have always, for the past 4 years, been an "exit/pause portal" for me from reality. They provide me an outlet for happiness and cheer me up on bad days.
It is also because of them that I get to know Awave, and I couldn't be more grateful. Although it is only less than a year since I know the girls (excluding Sam XD), they have make such a big impact to my life.
....okay, this is becoming too mushy and lengthy. I should stop here.
Now, I need to go back to reality and pay the price for skipping school to 追偶像...
